September 2016

Is Therapy Right for Me?

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You might be thinking about reaching out to a counsellor or psychotherapist but you are unsure if therapy is right for you.

Some people who have never been to a counsellor are unsure if their problems or concerns warrant counselling or therapy. Due to this uncertainty, they take no action. Most times when left unresolved, problems grow and become more complicated. I have found that when issues are addressed sooner rather than later, it is easier to understand what changes need to be made and, through feeling supported, clients can begin to get past (or deal with) the difficult situation. Dealing with Problems in Therapy

Most people that contact me have pretty much already decided that they want to start counselling. There is usually a sense of urgency due to a specific crisis going on in their lives and they’ve realized that they are no longer able to handle it on their own. They have made the decision to reach out and start to explore their options for feeling better.

Then there are other people that have more of a longer term sense of dissatisfaction with their lives. There may not be any specific situation or crisis going on, but rather they just don’t feel fulfilled – maybe like something is missing. They might feel that they are not the best version of themselves, they feel stuck, misunderstood or have always struggled in relationships.

Whatever might be going on, it is never a bad idea to choose to go to counselling, even for one or two sessions. Similar to preventative medicine, addressing issues early on can oftentimes avert a potential crisis.

I also make sure my clients understand that the therapy process doesn’t have to be an “all or nothing” journey. Oftentimes, once clients start to feel better and begin to make changes in their lives, they will leave more time between booked appointments. As they continue to improve, I make sure they know that my door is always open and they are welcome back anytime. Since we have already taken the time to build our relationship (which is arguably the most important factor for success in therapy), it is easy for them to book a “touch up” session whenever they need it.

If you have any questions or want to learn more about how counselling can help, I invite you to explore my website or contact me.

Why Doesn’t Anyone Understand Me?

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As humans, we all want to feel like we belong and that others understand what we are going through. We want to feel happy, fulfilled and like we are connecting with others. However, oftentimes the people around us just don’t make us feel happy or like they understand our personal experience. We continue to chase and pursue them over and over again with the hopes that they will meet our needs, yet they continually respond in a way that isn’t what we want.

This leaves us feeling more frustrated and misunderstood than ever. It’s exhausting.

Many of our family relationships look like this. Fathers, mothers, siblings, spouses – we are chasing after them for something they are probably never going to be for us. Until we come to realize that we can’t make someone act or react in a certain way, we will continue to struggle. You’re never going to feel understood and you’re never going to feel like you are enough.Counselling for Change LondonIf it’s not safe to be vulnerable with certain people – then you should not be vulnerable with them. It doesn’t mean that you have to cut them out of your life, it just means that you only share so much of your life with them. You must stop chasing after them with the hopes they will be someone they are not, or that they will provide support and validation that they aren’t willing (or able) to give. It’s ok that they can’t be that for you, it’s just who they are. It might be surprising to you how the relationship changes for the better once you stop placing expectations on such people.

And to be honest, these people owe us nothing. They are not responsible for our happiness; we are responsible for our own happiness. No one else.
 Find Yourself Counselling London

It’s time to start looking inward instead of outward for validation, approval and understanding. Try to find in yourself what you have been searching for in others. Yeah I get it, if you’re upset about something you want someone to talk to and validate your experience. However, assurance from external validation is temporary. Even if you get that moment of feeling good about yourself, it quickly fades and you’re back looking for the next source of validation.

It’s up to you to love yourself unconditionally and know that you are already worth love and belonging. Learn to hold space for your own internal thoughts and experience. Remind yourself that your experience is valid because it’s yours. It exists and that’s ok. You’re allowed to have it, so be kind to yourself.

 

Learn how counselling can help you to feel like you are enough.